This week we have seen more of Daniel's personality...Huge smiles directed at us! I am convinced that God plans this milestone at just the right time, when you are so exhausted and nearly at the end of your rope, and then BAM! smiles! And suddenly it's not so bad, and it is ALL worth it to get that awesome reaction from your child. I keep meaning to get on here and blog, but when the time allows I am usually so tired, I am afraid my post will sound negative and grumpy...which I don't want, because I really am so thrilled with my boys, but a mama can get worn out!
As seems to be the case in this newborn phase for me...God is working on my heart. I am hearing a lot from Him and His word, on contentment. Being content where you are, content in Him not your circumstances. It is amazing and hard at the same time. Each night I pray a prayer giving the night to God, and asking for strength, patience and comfort through it. And each night I have been blessed not only with these things but also special time to reflect on God and His gifts, time to pray with my newest son, and an attitude that craves these times instead of dreading them...It's pretty awesome to experience.
Now I am asking God to continue His work, and to remind me during the day, that my life is to be an example of Christ living within...and my mission field is my kids right now. I confess, that although I am cherishing this time at night, the lack of sleep is getting to me, and my daytime parenting has been less than stellar. I yell more than I want to, I have unrealistic expectations of my 3 year old, AND my 7 week old, and I am neglecting my house, and our nutrition and probably my husband. I ask God now to help me be contented in Him throughout the day, and to not let the trials of the day, or the tiredness interfere with that contentment. Because truly if you are not content in Him, it won't matter how much sleep you get, how much time you spend with your little ones, what is made for dinner, what your house looks like, or how many tantrums your little one does or does not have, you will always want more. I also ask, for His strength and patience to help me to be the best mom, wife and friend I can.
The sermon at church today really reminded me about living out the word of God and the changes that come with following Christ, not just saying the words. That it is about deep relationship, not simply the "right" words. I was convicted that since home is where you can be yourself and let it all hang out, yourself should really reflect God's work in you and your contentment in Him. The only way to truly do that is to live what you say you believe. My kids need to see a mom and dad truly changed by their belief in and love for God.
Again I come back to the song "You Are Mine" by Mutemath
Everyone has their obsession
Consuming mind, Consuming time
We hold tight our prized possession, You are mine
Or as I sing it, "I want You to be mine"
I am also currently reading Francis Chan's book Crazy Love...SO good, again it is always so great when I see God's hand, and His direction in many paths of my life...obviously this is something He is teaching me right now, and I need to learn it and let it change my heart.