The last two weeks have been hard, they have been emotional, they have been a chance to practice what I am learning from God. Sometimes I fail, sometimes I learn.
My friend brought me these flowers, they are my favorite, my sister in law and nieces came to visit, all to cheer me up, and to lean on each other. When pain, sorrow, and unfairness hit sometimes we stop doing life, we get paralyzed by events, and forget how to put one foot in front of the other. And then you remember, thanks before miracles, thanks in the pain, thanks. It's how we are to live life with Him. I'm learning to practice the life of thanks from the book 1000gifts.
But this week, the second week of school, Daniel's first day, a week of phone calls, emails, and texts that take your breath away with the sicknesses, the pain, the sadness, the unbelief. I haven't lived in thanksgiving. I've lived in sadness, in fear, with worry, with pain, relying on my own power, my own strength to get through the day, to take one more breath. I dwelt in the sorrow. But slowly, I was reminded to look for the gifts. to practice the thanksgiving. Remembering that the OPPOSITE of trust is worry and fear. God IS trustworthy, but we don't trust him when we worry, when we are filled with fear. It's impossible to truly trust Him and to worry at the same time.
So I look at the beauty of the flowers, He created them. The friendship that brought them, He created that. The reconnecting that is occurring. The boys in my house. The gifts from HIM.
I still don't understand, it still seems unfair, God's timing somehow seems imperfect right now. But I will continue to learn to trust, to turn to thanksgiving, to know God's love is more complex than we can ever understand.
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be TROUBLED and DO NOT be AFRAID" John 14:27
Often I worship throughout the day and often I have a theme song that is a meditation, a way I want my mind to go, something I want to focus on to get out of my mind and focus my heart.
This week it was this:
All Who Are Thirsty
All who are thirsty
All who are weak
Come to the fountain
Dip your heart in the stream of life
Let the pain and the sorrow
Be washed away
In the waves
As deep cries out to deep
Come Lord Jesus Come
Holy Spirit Come
If you think of it please pray. God knows who needs it, pray for healing, for comfort, for peace, for restoration of relationships, for hearts to be softened, for strength, for truth, just pray. Thanks.