Monday, February 04, 2013

And So Life Goes...

Remember this cup of coffee?  over here, yeah that one.  Well here goes....

You see I had plans...P_L_A_N_S.  I mean Beth was turning 40, Josh and I had PLANNED an amazing menu, and I was prepping it.  I had a to do list a MILE long (not really) but it had Thursday tasks, Friday tasks, and day of Saturday tasks.  I had 3 crockpots on my counters ready to go.  It had been A LONG week with Tom working late nights, and being under quite a bit of stress with a project he was working on.  He had finally finished it and Friday was looking like it was going to be a better day.  We were leaving Sunday morning to go out of town with Beth and Josh sans kids, it was going to be GREAT!  I had gotten ALL OF Thursdays tasks completed and went to bed feeling good ready to conquer Friday and help make Beth feel loved and cherished at her SURPRISE birthday party!

And then I went to bed...And then at 3AM, Tom got up...He was stumbling and grasping for the wall, so I asked him what was wrong, he said he didn't feel good.  He made it to the sink and got a glass of water, and then was walking back, CLINGING to the wall, and then it happened, he crumpled to the floor, out cold.  I rushed over, and nudged him on the shoulder to rouse him...he came to and was in a COLD SWEAT.  He got up and proceeded to be sick for a LONG time.  I was frightened to say the least, I wasn't sure what to I kneeled next to my bed and grasped for the ONE I know who can comfort when you are terrified, called out to the GOD, who loves us.  AND I prayed, asking for PEACE.  ALL I needed was peace.  Somehow it came.  And then I prayed for my husband to be OK.  He didn't want to go to the hospital...he insisted he was fine.  I laid in bed and tried to rest.  BUT he never made it back to bed, finally just laying on the floor, continuing to get sick anytime he drank water or moved.  I made him as comfortable as I could, and I prayed.

At this point it was 6AM and I knew I had to get up and be ready when the kids awoke, so that I could protect Tom and so that they did not see him this way.  I got up, got ready, got Tom something to drink and then headed down to start my day.  I continued to check on him, and then took Holden to school, stopped at the grocery store for some vitamin water, ginger ale, etc.  At this point I thought, "Oh wow, the flu has hit us"  I was still thinking of the tasks needed completion, etc.

When I got home, he was still "sleeping"  I gave him a couple drink options, and let him rest, but he kept getting sick.  I was getting worried, I knew he was dehydrated.  So I went up to check on him, and he said he thought he had vertigo.  Now his mom has had this, and it was rough.  So immediately I called her, she said she was coming down, and we decided we probably needed to take him in.  We decided I would need help getting him to the hospital, so Tom's dad came down.  

Tom asked us to give him a little time to see if he might feel better so we waited a little bit, meanwhile I was trying to rearrange our reservations for our getaway, AND trying to adjust my to do list for the few hours I was sure we were going to be at Urgent Care.

Didn't I tell you I had PLANS????  My plans were meaningless apparently.  And I think God was saying "let it go"...It took a while for me to hear.  We headed to urgent care, where Tom scared everybody in the waiting room, at this point he was white as a ghost, even a little yellow, and in a wheel chair...with a bucket.  Fun times...

They took us right back and "tried" to make him more comfortable, it was really futile at this point.  about 30 minutes later the dr. decided they couldn't help him and sent him to the ER to get an IV and anti nausea meds.  I believe it was about 2:30...Long story short...we got to ER, they triaged him within an hour, and gave him some anti nausea meds, he slept as well as he could in a wheel chair...and then we waited.....and waited...we waited SEVEN hours to get into the ER and get him on IV...despite being told by the urgent care doc he needed fluids RIGHT AWAY.  

Let me tell you, the ER is scary right now, so many people sick...and if we were waiting 7 hours you can imagine how many people were there, and how many people we saw go through that waiting area. I mean seriously the triage and ER nurses and Dr.s are AMAZING!

So heres the about hour 4 in the waiting room, I think it was I texted Josh, "I think we are going to have to by a cake, I am SO sorry"  and then about hour 6 I said, "I don't think any of the food is going to make it...maybe you should come pick up the crockpots and the meat"  I felt terrible!  And even though I knew everyone was more worried about Tom I felt like I was letting them down.  And I heard it, God whispered, "I am here, let it go."  And I think I did...

Just as we were about to take desperate measures and go somewhere else for an IV for Tom, we were called to the back.  Again I thought, we would be out after a couple hours of fluids and tests.  FUNNY.  My dear sweet husband was REALLY dehydrated and REALLY sick.  They gave him 2 bags of fluid, and were thinking of letting him go home without the recommended CAT scan, until they asked him to stand up...As soon as he got back into bed after the "standing" test....he got sick again:(  At that point we were told we would be admitted...The Dr. said she better get started with the paper work because it can take a while.  This was 10:30 or hour after we finally got back into treatment.  BUT they needed the room so since we were being admitted they would put him in the hallway on a gurney, with his IV...

FIVE hours later, we got admitted and taken to his room.  I had been up 24 hours straight, and Tom of course was REALLY sick.  It was 3:30 AM at this point, on Saturday.

So Tom tried to sleep while they poked and prodded him.  I slept on the window seat...

I decided the best thing to do when waking up in the hospital would be to be in God's word.  It was wise.

This is Tom's first meal in the hospital...all liquids...YUM!  

Another thing I learned...I am not good at accepting help from others.  In fact if you ASK me if I need anything I will always say no...because I really don't think I NEED anything.  THANK GOODNESS we have friends who say, "We are coming, would you like this, this, and this"  And I actually said yes! SO said friends brought me real food in the ER...and then clean clothes (I really wanted to burn the clothes I was wearing...seriously 12 hours in the ER...they needed to be burned), and a toothbrush and COFFEE.  Thank Goodness!

At this point we foolishly thought we would be getting out that not so...we would have to stay another night.  This day at least I went home and showered:-)  And ate real food.  I checked on the kids...thankfully they were with Grandmere, and they were quite happy.  I checked in with Josh, made sure he had what he needed for the party:(  and then headed back to the hospital.  By this time, Tom was recovering from his dehydration...but the vertigo was still giving him trouble.

One more night in the hospital, a couple of PT sessions, and a sort of real food dinner later, we slept for the second night in the hospital.  My poor husband:(  I felt so helpless.  I just prayed continuously for him.  He's amazingly strong, and patient, but he was tired, and just wanted to go home.  We were both resolved that first thing the next morning we were leaving.  

And luckily once the doctor came in we got to leave!  We got home just in time for a little settling and then the Superbowl.  It was SO good to be home. 

I am so glad my husband is going to be fine.  It looks like it might be a long road, the vertigo can last for quite some time.  But he is home and recovering.  

I learned a lot this weekend, about letting go, about accepting help, about praying through immediate fear.  I am not naive, I know that even though God has us in His hands, that He loves us and His plans for us our good...that doesn't mean my version of good, is really the good of God's plan.   I was scared. The tests they ran, ruled out all kinds of SCARY stuff.  BUT I am SO thankful that I know God's love, that I trust in His provision, that I know I don't have to like His plan, but that He is TRUSTWORTHY, and He is GOOD.  And of course I learned to LET GO.

Beth's party was a success thanks to another sister, and she felt loved and cherished.  She and Josh got to head out on the getaway, and we got a refund so we can go on a getaway someday when we are all better.  As I snuggle next to my husband tonight with my kids tucked in their beds, I am thankful....thankful to be home, thankful to know God, and trust Him.

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